Gentlemen’s Challenge – Greyhound Match Report by David Kentish

Who let the dogs out – Who Who

And out they most certainly were along with the gentlemen for the greyhound challenge.

What a turn out, Jason and a few others managed to nab five stalls next to each other by the window, right where the draughts were, but still never mind we all sat together and nobody complained (except Sarah).

Peterborough dog track cuisine put on their usual high standard of burgers and chips, often wondered what happens to greyhounds when their racing days are over, Oh well!

The whole evening is a race, a race for the food, a race for the bar, a race to the tote to put on another losing bet, then a race back to your seat to watch the race!

All this being filmed by John “Speilberg” Grindey!

14 races in total with Jason keeping a running score.

It was tight right the way to the wire. Early leaders were Frank, Tony and Bruce, with Dave King putting in a good showing midway through. But as the pressure intensified they faltered,  and goodness me who’s this quietly closing the gap to move into contention as the last race was about to start, Malcolm “The Shark” Ravilious.

Not content with winning lots of money already he was going for the number one spot. If only Paul had had the good sense to back the dogs that Leanne did, after every race more money was deposited in front of her and if he had he may well have been in a position to take the honours, but that was not to be.

Something that was noticed by some early on was that the dogs who seemed to run the fastest all had a very sensual massage of their inner rear thighs by their handlers before being put into their traps. Malcolm must have seen this and used the same tactic before placing a bet, because lo and behold on the last race he picked up enough points to win the day!

A very well organised challenge by Pete, who unfortunately was not sufficiently well organised himself to realise that he was not able to go!

Thanks to Jason for the scoring, which for once everyone was able to understand.

Dave King made it home safely and a jolly good time was had by all.

The final scores were

1st Malcolm “The Shark” Ravilious

2nd Dave “The knife” Kentish

3rd Jason “Mafia” Morten

Out of the points

4 Frank

5 Tony

6 Dave King

7 Bruce

8 Paul

9 John

The Gentlemen's Challenge 2012

Clay Pigeon Shooting at Orston Shooting Ground

As last year's venue had closed down, it was off to Orston Shooting Ground for a proper test of shooting prowess. Nobody had been before so it was a good surprise to arrive and find a better equipped and more professional "arena" - one obviously in keeping with the consummate talent bristling amongst the Challengers! In attendance were: Bob, Frank, Pete, John Grindey, Jason, Phil, Dave King, Keith, Bruce and Malcolm.

With a solid stance being one of the keys to accurate shooting, half the boys tucked into a brunch of bacon sandwiches in an effort to utilise the gravitational advantage of their buttie's lard content. Then it was off to the range. Rob, our mentor, suggested that we may get no further than this easy first target, depending on how we did. He didn't count on our seasoned shot, Bob, who stepped up to the plate first and scored...................zero! Fortunately, it was merely an amusing start as everyone, including Bob, greatly benefitted from Rob's excellent tuition.

There were some good performances, but not by Frank, Bruce, Phil or John! By the time the last clays were downed and the barrel smoke had cleared, all that remained was a third place shoot-off between Bob, Pete and Malcolm. Once the other two had both missed, Pete was given a little tactical advice by Rob and took third, much to the chagrin of Bob and Malcolm! "I thought of it anyway" and "I didn't ask him for it" was the best of Pete's simpering defence!

Cruising serenely to second place was Jason and.........finally.........at long last.........after more than two seasons.........and a succession of fourth places.........Dave King took his first win - congratulations!!!

After a quick sharpener at Barholm, the boys added to the furniture and soft furnishings fund at the Hare and Hounds while remarking how pleasant the scenery behind the bar had become!

Result:

1st   Dave King

2nd  Jason Morten

3rd   Pete Milne

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The Gentlemen's Challenge 2012

Golf at Thorpe Wood

The season opener was granted a sunny day as the Challengers convened at Thorpe Wood Golf Course. Attending were: Bob, Frank, Steve, Pete, Jason, Phil, Tony, Dave King, Keith, Bruce and Malcolm. James Shackell nearly gave everyone a heart attack by actually showing up! John Grindey also came along as official photographer, Bruce's buggy chauffeur and Jason's caddy.

Having complained about last year's scoring and handicap system, Keith was elected as scorekeeper. In an inspired move, he then chose to use EXACTLY the same system as the year before??!!! By the time everyone had tee'd off they were none the wiser as to their handicap (bad, awful or diabolical), just like last year!!!

Clearly, and as seems tradition, last year's top three were nowhere by the time ale was being supped at the 19th. Nobody knew this at the time though because by the time the second pint had been consumed, Keith was still scribbling away on the scorecards. So it was off to the newly opened (or so we thought) Hare & Hounds. In support of the Greatford Village Fete, the pub had indeed opened but the boys found themselves stood in a building site. At least Pete felt at home! It was here that Keith announced the winners: 3rd - Phil (fluke) and 2nd - Pete (percentage player). Embarrassingly for everyone, Bruce who could barely walk, and was waiting for a hip replacement operation, had crippled his way to the win!!!!!

Dave King then plied Keith with drinks and by the time the results went to print it read as follows:

1st     Bruce Cook
2nd    Dave King
3rd     Pete Milne

So there was no suspicion of match-fixing whatsoever, at all, honest Guv!!!

All was forgotten when everyone rewarded their excellent play with a well earned curry!

(Congratulations to Dave King though who, after a string of non-scoring 4th places, finally made it to the podium!!)

Photos to follow!!